Naked Ops
by Library.Diarrhea
Summary: Sam inflitatres, covertly, a secret Nazi base in Antarctica (or Iceland)?


**Naked OPS.**

_Antarctica: 11:07:04 PST: Shadow Muhammad Facility_

It was the opposite of really really hot out. The radio in the Sam's ear made a quiet digital chime that only he could hear. "Colonel I'm in position. I spot four Nazi guards with assault rifles spaced out equidistant from each other walking the perimeter."

The colonel's voice sounded in Sam's ear. "This is Col. Buba. I read you loud and clear Sam… actually hold on a second…. um… okay that's much better I was just turning up the volume on my headphones. I mostly heard everything you said; something about Russian insult trifles equal to the distance from other perimeters?"

"You mean the Russians are involved with project Lunch Box? What could they possibly gain from working with the Nazis?"

"Buba don't like this shit. If the Russians are involved with the Nazis than it's likely there will be only a few elite Russian operatives among the Nazi soldiers. Sam one of your new mission's objectives is to seek out and identify how many Russian operatives there are. As a secondary objective I want you to find out as much information you can on each Russian you come across."

"Alright, let me just right that down in my note pad so I don't forget."

"Good luck Sam."

The device in Sam's ear chimed again and Sam could hear the colonel's voice no more. Sam made his way past the main perimeter. He was a very stealthy son of a bitch. No guards noticed him.

As Sam got closer to the base he started to see crates and a gate. There were also a few more Nazis on patrol as well as one velociraptor. It was likely the Nazi's found the dinosaur preserved in ice underneath the Antarctic circle, had their scientist revived her, and then use their secret cloning techniques to produce the perfect attack dog?

"Those diabolical bastards, I should have seen this coming." As Sam spoke a gush of cold wind swept past him infusing his body with pure cold. Sam bent down and made another call to Buba. There was another chiming in his ear. "Colonel this is Sam. I'm afraid I've got some bad news."

"What the hell is it Sam. I was in the middle of a nap!"

"The Nazi's have figured out how to clone velociraptors. I see at least one velociraptor just outside the base so I can't be sure there aren't more inside."

"Whatever, find out more about these stupid animals and watch you back. Any other pressing issues or can I get back to my nappy time?!"

"No Buba, I'm just freezing my nuts off out here."

The Colonel made a long sigh. "That's what the thermal sneak suite is for. It should automatically adjust to whatever climate you're in."

"Well sure except I don't have that suite anymore."

There was an impossible pause. "What do you mean? When you left on the mission you were wearing the god damn thermal sneak suite. That's a skin tight suite… so what the hell else could you be wearing?"

"Who says I'm wearing anything?"

…

…

radio silence…

…

"Sam, are you naked?"

"The suite was really restricting my mobility and made me sweat a lot."

The colonel became very angry and strict like a mean adult parent. "Listen to me very carefully. I want you to scrap the mission. I am not sending any special agent of mine in completely naked. It's absurd"

"But you said I was going in naked. No weapons, no support, no nothing."

"I didn't mean literally!"

"Oh, I thought you'd really be okay with this."

"Sam, make it back to the drop point by 1200 PST for the pickup. The mission is over."

"Brrgggrrrrrr cahhhhh cahhhhhh" came a noise from nearby. It must have been a velociraptor with a cone shaped field of vision approaching northwest to Sam's position. Anyway that's what Sam's tricorder said.

[!]

"Sam!? What the hell was that noise?!"

"It's a dinosaur but don't worry they can only see body heat and I'm a popsicle."

"Thank god you're stark naked."

Suddenly there was a loud crash and a beastly noise that sounded like the cross between a mating squirrel and a constipated grizzly bear. Sam screamed out in pain. "AAAAAAAAAA!"

"Sam?! SAMMMMMMMMMMMMM?!"

"Yeah?" replied Sam in a wounded scream.

"Are you okay?!"

"I'm fine- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! GHHHHGHGHGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA….."

CRASH!

RIP!

"Brrgggrrrrrr cahhhhh cahhhhhh"

"No! Not that!"

SLAP!

THUD!

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

"…"

"Sam?! How about now?!"

"…"

"Yeah…. I'm gona go ahead and cancel that extraction appointment…"


End file.
